Phatfffat's album is Pretty Hot and Tempting!

I've never done an entertainment review post, but something has me really excited. Actually, someone. Dondria, the 23 year-old YouTube sensation turned SoSoDef RnB songstress, graced the world with her sweet and sultry vocals back in June 2008 with the release of a buzz single entitled Can't Stop. After a duet on Bow Wow's 2009 album, and a mixtape of her own, Dondria's debut album's first single, You're The One, got her the exposure on 106 and Park, mTV and radio stations that signified she's finally made it. This single alone was a refreshing taste of old school RnB. And, when I say old school, I mean as old as my 22 years of life can get- Boyz II Men, K-Ci and JoJo, Lauryn Hill, TLC and Destiny's Child influenced my tastes in music, and I can say with much certainty that Dondria has been molded by these artists as well. Her style, phrasing, and even the ad-libs sound like a collection of all our generation's "classic" songs.

Her album, Dondria vs. Phatfffat, is an 11-track collection of classic sing-along love songs. The themes range from "Baby, why did we break up?" to "Darling, you're amazing and I hope we never breakup." and whatever other 9 songs you can fit in between. Lyrically, the creativity is not remarkable, but Dondria's talent is undeniable. She's got a great range and a lot of control. I'm excited because this album gives me hope for the return of the RnB that I grew up on. Sure, I'm a huge Beyonce fan, and mostly measure every other female RnB artist's talent off of B's benchmarks. But, we can't deny that even the Queen B herself is taking more steps away from her traditional (and by tradition, I mean those from the '90s and up) RnB roots, and more towards a pop/rock/soul feel. It works for her, and everyone is following in those footsteps. Except Dondria. Unlike everyone else riding rude boys and wondering why men don't love them these days, Dondria is leading the way back to where I fell in love with RnB music, and hopefully she can keep it there.

So, the Celeste Stamp of Approval goes on this album. I realized it was official when, on track 8, I was still subconciously bobbing my head and watching my sideview mirrors vibrate to the deep bass blasting through my Rav4 speakers. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a classic, but it's good music. Solid vocals, catchy beats, and decent enough lyrics to support my decision in spending $9.99 for the CD. Dondria is a beautiful and very talented young woman to whom I can relate! It's nice to have someone speaking, or singing, for my demographic, especially in the keys I like to hear.

The only constant thing in this world is change.

I don't feel like writing right now, but I have been getting some blog requests recently, and I guess this thing is supposed to be like a journal or something, right? So maybe I should just stop waiting for something huge to happen and write what's "real" as they (and all my sorors know who 'they' are) would say. I have been on this laptop for the past hour trying to log onto my George Washington account to no avail. I need about three different numbers to get an email address to log onto the listserv that will help me register for classes....HELLO?! This is far too complicated...I know this is grad school and everything but seriously...just because I am a pseudo-grown-up now doesn't mean I am a superhero.

I am in fact very nervous to move to D.C. Excited for new adventures, checking out great restaurants and poetry slam spots, sure. Learning my way around a new city and being able to show my friends a good time when they pop into the capital to visit, yes! I can't wait. But, this summer I have missed my family more than I did over my entire four years of college. Come this August, all of my friends are moving on to new places and I don't have the certainty of visits and seeing them around campus any more. Our lives are moving on and frankly, I don't want to lose any one important. And I don't want to lose my mind, either. But I'm heading the right way for a padded cell with all this planning and responsibility I'm faced with. We all know I have my issues with organization...

Whatever...I guess I am just a little overwhelmed at the apartment searching and class registering and all of that. But then again, I have inspired lots of kids at my job as an NSLC Team Advisor this summer...and I was all up and through New York City (with the help of my lovely Brooklyn hostess) and I have really made the most of this summer. And that's grown-up mature stuff, right? That's a whole separate post, though. This time, I am just going to voice out loud-- YIKES! I'm moving away from home...and for the first time ever, all I wanna do is stay there.

Ms. Brown Goes to Washington

So, it's been a while. I have been busy sweltering in the Maryland/DC heat for the past two and a half weeks. It's been quite an adventure thus far- I bonded almost instantly with my NSLC (that's National Student Leadership Conference for those of you not in the know) staff here at the University of Maryland. It's been a while since I had such a diverse group of people around me and I am truly thriving off the energy and knowledge I gain everyday. From sea to shining sea, we represent a myriad of cultures and states; childhoods are compared, along with college experiences; I've been asked about the guys I like to date, what it's like to grow up in Florida, what my favorite dishes are, and why I wear my hair wrapped in "that thing" at night. The genuine curiosity and willingness to learn about each other has helped teach me an important lesson about being my self, my whole self, no matter the circumstances. I don't have to apologize for who I am or what I believe. However, I also have to be willing to accept that each individual has the right to their opinions, as well. Most of the time, we agree to disagree. The keyword is 'agree'. And then, we keep it moving.

In other exciting news, I saw a kid get arrested when I was waiting for the bus on Friday. Yes, Celeste- who has never even stepped foot on a college campus shuttle, found her way to New Carrollton Maryland after a bus ride on the F6 and a quick 2 block walk. It was pretty liberating; the only thing I worried about was how I would know when to pull the yellow cord to let the bus driver know I was ready to get off.

I am getting quite acclimated to this bare-bones lifestyle. I have a bed, a dresser, enough hangers for the few clothes I brought, and a desk I only use to keep my clipboard and backpack at night. I have time to read, focus on improving the weaknesses in my personality, being a role model for my students, and making lasting relationships with these incredible people I've had the opportunity to meet.

Of course, we always have time for chicken wings and late night zumba classes (more often wings than zumba..hopefully all the walking on campus and midday Maryland sun will keep me svelte for the winter when I move to DC permanently (and that's a whole 'nother blog).

Til then folks- stay cool! (literally, it's gonna be over 100 tomorrow.)

Where All My Ni**as At?

My first reaction to this video was, "Hmm, curious." The nerd, Mr. Beatty, (or, dat nigga David B., whichever you prefer) is clearly a well-educated, but somewhat conflicted guy. For most of my life, I was either 'Celeste You-know-that-black-girl' or 'Celeste She-cool-but-she-talks-white-doe'. Actually my last name is Brown, and that didn't help much, either. Growing up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, I was often the only black kid in my classes. Scratch that. I was ALWAYS the ONLY Jamaican-American kid in ALL of my classes. I quickly learned, though, that to them I was pretty much just Black. Describing what Jerk Chicken is (and trying not to get mad when people would greet me with a "Yah, mon!"), explaining why I didn't have to wash my hair everyday, and knowing the words to every Fabolous, Nelly, *NSync, and Simple Plan single- it was tough work! You can imagine my dilemma when 'The Slim Shady LP' was released (The white boy blossomed/after Dre endorsed em). Messed up my whole game.

Then, when I had finally secured my spot as just 'Celeste' among a group of great friends who didn't seem to mind my Brown skin or my red, yellow, and green Rasta bracelet, high school happened. Why didn't anyone tell me that I was supposed to know all the words to Friday? Where was I when my classmates were eating their first hot sausage? Oh, that's right. I was at a b'nai mitzvah in Weston, FL singing Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" with my then best bud/bandmate, Jacob Groten. (He pursued his dream and is currently touring the country as lead singer of The Jacob Jeffries Band).

So now, as a college graduate, I watch this video and I still wonder who I am supposed to be. What happened to just Celeste? At UCF I was Celeste, the AKA; which, by default, encompassed my black-and-college-educated-ness. Did I have any nigga/er in the first place? If I did, did I forget about it or supress it, like Beatty's nerd-self did? I'm trying to be as worldly and well-rounded as possible, like an educated young woman should be (right?). I know that because of the color of my skin, somewhere in my ancestry there is 'nigger' in me. But, who knows if there is some 'massa' in me, too? It wouldn't be alarming that one of my 4x-great-grandmothers was raped by a slave owner, would it? There's 'yardie' in me- my love for fried plantain and Luciano CDs makes me sure of that. But to most of corporate America, it seems, there will always be some "Black-girl" that I have to fully embrace, and explain away, and defend.

How much of the "nigga/er" is supposed to stay or show if we are trying to display that black people, while darker-skinned, are as intelligent and capable as their white-bright counterpart? Why does it have to be assimilation?...I'm more for the dry rub than the marinade. That way everything is still as it was, just mixed into one. Nothing is smushed or melded together and forgotten about.

Clearly, dat nigga David B. (or the nerd, Mr. Beatty, whichever you prefer) and I have a lot in common. Our conflict now is the same as mine was as a child. I want everyone to acknowledge that I am a strong, educated, BLACK woman, and accept that I am capable and gifted and still in tune with my culture. And, knowing where I'm going doesn't mean I forgot where I came from. I am N.ot stopping until I make it-I.nquisitive-G.rateful for my childhood-G.eared up for my future-A.cknowledging my roots.
So, where all my NIGGAs at?

The Bucket List

On April 25th, 2010, at an open mic night at Club 57 West in Downtown Orlando, I completed the last item on my Graduation Bucket List and performed an original poem entitled Regret.

I wrote the first draft of this poem back in September/October 2009. Some of it came from personal experience, some from friends' experiences. Either way, I'm sure many people (ok, mostly women) can relate to the pain in the poem. I wasn't really aiming to inspire anyone, but I did want them to be able to relate. Isn't it the best feeling when you hear a song or a poem and the artist says exactly what you've felt, but could never find the words to express it? You know those moments when you just nod your head and say "Yes!...Mmm...yes!!" and you start singing along with your eyes closed. I can tell you, now, that it's a good feeling to be on the other side, too. It meant a lot to hear from so many people that they could really relate to what I was talking about. I guess they say "misery loves company", but in this instance it wasn't that I wanted other people to be miserable. I just wanted them to know they weren't alone- and that the hurt would go away eventually. Hope loves company, too.

The bucket list is really my favorite part of the whole story. I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish before I graduated college. I am proud to say that I accomplished all but one thing on my list (I just couldn't find time among classes and applications to read three novels...but that's what summer break is for). I think the bucket list was, at times, just an excuse for me to live more in the moment, and not be afraid to open the door when opportunity came knocking. I learned that it's important to set and reach goals. However, I also realized that I can't just go by the book all the time and expect life to be exciting. I came out of my shell in the 9 months between my birthday and graduation day (how appropriate- 9 months; it's like a whole new person was born). I am working on my next list- there is a lot more that I want to experience as I embark on the next phase of life.

College is over, and I'm officially an AlumKnight of the University of Central Florida. And just as people always told me it would, college made for some of the greatest years of my life. But, I strongly believe that the best is yet to come. If God sees it fit to wake me up tomorrow morning, I plan on making the most of the day He has made. I can confidently say that if you set out to do something, and live your life to the fullest, that will be something you will never regret.

Celeste's Graduation Bucket List

-Make new friends

Annie, Lisa, and Me- also known as the Triple Threat on UCF's 2009-2010 President's Leadership Council


-Travel (made it to the Bahamas, Key West, Gainesville, Chicago, and Atlanta)











The Bahamas!


Funky Buddha Lounge in Chicago!














-Eat raw sushi

My line sister Whitney and I tried tuna sushi at a restaurant in AtL when we visited for a friend's 25th birthday. We had a blast that weekend, now she's off doing big things in law school!








-Eat at Sonic (the bacon cheeseburger....wow....just wow.)

-Drink a Mojito (wish I had a picture of my first alcoholic drink as a legal drinker! Too bad it didn't taste good. Oh well, you live and you learn.)

-Join the Antioch Mass Choir (when praises go up...)

- Donate blood (hurt a little, but totally bearable)
-Perform at an open mic night

My debut on the spoken word mic at Club 57 West in Downtown Orlando
Enjoy!

It Takes Heart

Has there ever been a website that you just don't log on to, or a book or closet door you don't open, because you already know you don't want to face what would pop up if you did? Well, www.blogspot... has certainly not been typed into my URL bar for quite some time-purposefully. And, like a typical miracle, a crazy circumstance of random events came along that persuaded me to end my 6 month hiatus and set another milemarker. The location of the miracle: Gainesville, Florida. I know- not exactly the Holy Land, right? But with the on-going battle I've had with that city it may as well have been the Gaza Strip itself. Gainesville has gone from a place I'd never visited, to a place I visited every month, to a place I avoided by any and all costs. The sight of orange and blue together literally made me sick to my stomach.

See the problem with avoiding things is that, just like trying not to open that door, or not logging on to that website, eventually there will be something you MUST find in the spot you were trying to run away from. I was blessed with a final interview for the Teach for America corps and of course, what was the closest interview location I could attend? Gator Nation. They say God has a sense of humor - His award from me would be Most Outstanding Stand-up Comic. So try as I did to avoid that place of fond memories turned to flashing nightmares, I found myself passing the 75 North Williston exit at around 5:10pm Sunday afternoon. It turns out, there was some enCOURAGEment waiting for me in Gainesville. Had I avoided that trip, I would have never been inspired by the brilliant mind of Hill Harper. He told the audience in his dynamic address not to let F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal allow us to stop planning, achieving or stop dreaming. My FEAR was of a memory, and of circumstances that may happen, or conversations I might have to have if a certain topic popped up. Like a career xenophobic, I imagined the worst case scenarios in my mind and tried to avoid the unknown at all costs. And thankfully, I was proven wrong. It turns out, Gainesville is a great place for me to be. Surrounded by friends and phamily, I couldn't help but smile. I hadn't felt that relaxed and at ease in so long. Imagine!- it took so much courage for me to just be happy.

I learned from Mr. Harper last night that 'courage' comes from the Latin word cor- meaning 'heart.' It's funny that matters of the heart were my source of fear-and yet the very place that I tried to avoid was where I would need to go and find my courage. I guess the moral of the story is to face your FEARs, as they don't really exist anyway. And one day, sooner more likely than later, you'll have to go back to that place of heartache or pain and in it, you WILL find joy. If a challenge or situation doesn't kill you, it will stay on your mind for months until you have rationalized, analyzed, discussed with friends and your inner voice, prayed over, sung about, written about, and acted like you forgot about it and don't care until one day- you're over it. And you will have a milemarker on your roadmap of life. If you had a heart to get broken, in it you have the COURAGE to heal.

In every loss there's a gain/there's a heal for every pain/sometimes it comes in a friend/or even just trying again/I've felt the struggle with trying to forget all of the smiling/ that turned quickly to frowns and tissue boxes for crying/but don't despair or lose hope/for there is always a rope/ or helping hand to pull you out of the slump onto a slope/head for victory please/and start with prayer on your knees/I promise myself and to you that eventually we'll pull through/and we'll look back at the date and wonder how time ran away/wonder when we moved on and got over/whatever struggle we faced/I assure me and my reader/there is nothing to fear/we have the Word and our courage/a friend and their listening ear/we have hope for the future/and blessings to face a new day/there is always resistance/but t'ward progress, that's the only way

Mile Markers

I believe strongly in the importance of milestones- I will always celebrate birthdays, anniversaries; accomplishments are to be recognized. But not for the sheer fact that you have reached them. They should be celebrated because of what has happened and been achieved since the last one was celebrated- hopefully it''s progress.

That's where my theory comes from that my blog should be a moving snapshot. These posts are my mile markers- and only God knows what the final destination is for me. And while I hope to provide you (meaning myself) with updates and opportunity to reflect, I am not picture perfect.

These snapshots along the way- however frequent or inconsistent- will be honest, possibly painfully so. I think feedback is a good thing- but I've learned you have to be careful who you let speak into your life, and how much you share.

I wanted to come up with a clever user name, and really witty way to say everything I would put into this blog. But I'm corny, and most of the usernames I would have picked would not have been available anyway. And while I could have shy'd away from this blogosphere, a culture of which I've always wanted to be a part of, or used that as another excuse not to write even though I've wanted to for so long, here I am. Perhaps the next snapshot will be a brief and Pulitzer Prize winning comic relief. And if not- I'll still be here.